What is a Pervert?

Most people have a fairly clear image come into their mind when they hear the word "pervert." To one person it might be a slightly overweight balding man with a greasy t-shirt who has locked himself in his mother's basement, looking at all kinds of sick pictures and videos. To another person it might be a stringy, squint-eyed man in a trench-coat, climbing around in trees outside people's houses trying to look in windows.

Wouldn't it be nice if that were the case? It would be convenient if there were some other, easily identifiable people who were the bad guys. Unfortunately, the reality of the situation doesn't even come close to matching these mental images. Sure, there are people trying to look through windows, and people locking themselves in basements looking at all kinds of dirty things, but these people aren't "others." They're our husbands, sons, parents, wives, daughters, and coworkers. And this isn't just exaggeration--there are shocking statistics that back this up. For instance,

• 42.7% of internet users view porn.
• 67% of young men and 49% of young women believe pornography use is acceptable.
• By their senior year in high school 100% of males have viewed pornography.

This isn't just the stringy or balding high-schoolers...this is 100%. By definition, unavoidable. I don't believe that 100% wanted to see pornography, but consensual or not doesn't change that statistic. And I don't make this point to make the innocent paranoid. If your husband calls to tell you he has an emergency at work and will be late, he's probably telling the truth. If your boyfriend spends late nights at the library working on his homework, he probably is just working on his homework. If your teen is going through a lot of tissues and lotion, he probably just has dry skin. Actually, no--scratch that--he probably has a pornography addiction. But not everything suspicious is addiction.

So perverts aren't "other"--they're a shocking number of everyday people we interact with every day. While in everyday use this is true, I want to contradict this idea. First, the word "pervert" comes from "per," meaning "all the way through," and "vertere," meaning "to twist." So by definition, a pervert is someone who is twisted all the way through. The "all the way through" is where I strongly disagree. I've read through a fair number of addiction blogs the last few weeks, and one of the main themes I see is remorse and disgust. These (we) are people who are flawed, addicted, diseased, and are working through more cognitive distortions than I can name. Still, they (we) want desperately to overcome their (our) addiction to lust. Even people who believe pornography is acceptable feel shame and remorse, whether they believe it or not. How do I know? Because pornography addiction is inherently mentally debilitating and morally wrong. And as children of God, even the most twisted, depraved sex addict has a part of him/her deep down, buried beneath piles of filth, that wants to repent and overcome. This hidden part is inherently good. So, in this way of thinking, there is no such thing as a pervert--no one is twisted all the way through.

What is a pervert? A shocking number of people may be "perverted," but no one is so warped they can't get themselves straightened.