Here's a quick review of the analogy--recovery actions are deposits into our recovery account, and addiction actions are withdrawals. Low "funds" tend to bring out addictive behavior, and high "funds" can give us a false sense of security if we're not careful. I've added to the original list, breaking things apart that I feel were more nuanced and significant (lust, dealing with stress, anger), adding some that weren't explicitly represented (entertainment), and clarified some wording (making one more applicable for non-married individuals, among others). Am I headed towards bankruptcy in my recovery? Let's find out based on these ten sets of criteria (rather than seven in the old one):
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Deposits to Recovery Account
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Withdrawals from Account
|
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Actively avoiding lust in person—visual
or interpersonal. Progressive victory over lust.
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The reluctant, unavoided, or
actively pursued lust hit, whether visual or interpersonal.
|
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Avoiding entertainment that elicits
feelings of indulgence/ developing healthy hobbies.
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Actively seeking or passively not
avoiding triggering entertainment or hobbies.
|
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Reaching out to fellow addicts in
a moment of weakness.
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Dwelling on angry or resentful thoughts over others' real or imagined wrongs.
|
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Participating in recovery
meetings.
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Spending time or money on selfish
wants instead of needs.
|
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Surrendering desire to numb out
stresses—instead working through them in healthy ways.
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Numbing anxieties, stresses, and
responsibilities with unhealthy food, screens, avoiding work, etc.
|
|
Studying addiction recovery
materials and work on 12 steps.
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Allowing mental fantasies to run
wild, whether sexual or not.
|
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Actively engaging in scripture
study and prayer.
|
Using relationships with others as
a release for sexual desires, either physically or relationally.
|
|
Thinking about and serving family
members and others.
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Justifying inappropriate actions
instead of owning them.
|
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Daily checkins with spouse,
sponsor, or support network.
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Acting out sexually—any action
that stimulates sexual feelings.
|
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Working hard in every
responsibility—school, work, church calling, etc.
|
Lashing out at others in anger rather
than owning and working through problems.
|
I'm going to say that I'm approximately 7 to 7 1/2 on the deposits side and 3 to 3 1/2 on the withdrawals side. That's 4 1/2-to-3 1/2 recovery bucks in my account every day. Yes, that's clearly an increase, but when you compare it to the 10 recovery bucks that are possible, I'm working at less than half recovery possible. I thought I was doing better than that, so that's a good insight.
Areas of concern from the deposit side are actively avoiding lust (I was doing so well at this, but I've had a hard time getting back into all my good habits after my difficulties over the holiday break), and half points on scripture study, 12 step study, daily check-ins, hard work, and working through my stresses in healthy ways. I've been doing ok, but I could definitely be more consistent and sincere. Still, even with half points on those, I'm definitely working and desiring recovery. And honestly, my lusting isn't where I want it to be (clearly in the "progressively better" camp), but compared to where I was a year ago, or even a number of months ago, I think I'm making progress over all. I'm avoiding entertainment I think might be problematic, talking with my wife, owning difficulties with my support guys, and avoiding the lustful double checks (or even the first check at times). Why isn't it consistent, though? Maybe because I still struggle to deal with my insecurities, fears, and stresses.
On the withdrawal side, obviously the lust hits, as I've discussed. Mental fantasies, a desire for sex as an outlet (which I still partly count, even though my wife and I are in a pseudo-celibate place right now), and unmanaged anger at my wife and kids, though I also have done slightly better at working through that. I think my next post is going to be on a process me and my wife have developed for working through disagreements recently, even though it's still a work in progress.
Anyways, it's good to self-evaluate. I desire to be rich--solidly in recovery rather than living from paycheck to paycheck. I want to have a 10-to-0 rating, and I'm going to start with the rest of today.
Feel free to do a similar assessment! I'm curious to know how others do on this and if it's helpful for anyone else.
Thanks,
R
