Sunday, November 16, 2014

Good in Parts

I wanted to write a post about something my counselor told me and my wife this week. He calls it "viewing ourselves in parts."

The basic idea is that Satan loves it when we think in black and whites. It's either "I'm worthless. No one is as messed up as I am. I'm unfixable" or it's "I'm fine. We could easily fill the conference center with people who struggle with this issue. No problems here."

The truth is that we each are made of countless parts, some of which are contradictory. There's a part of me that's humble. There's a part of me that's prideful. There's a part of me that's addicted to pornography. A part of me that loves my wife and children. A part that is service oriented. Part that's selfish. Wise. Guilty. Confident. And on and on.

The story of the old cherokee grandfather telling his grandson about two wolves battling inside him is applicable here. Except instead of just two wolves, there are dozens, of every color, shape, and disposition. We sometimes feel like our addiction erases (or at least trumps) every positive aspect of our past. The truth is that there are parts of us that are still worthy, valorous, and spiritual. But they've grown comparatively smaller because we've been more preoccupied feeding the selfish, the dirty, and the corrupt.

One final thought. Sometimes I don't work on feeding the best parts of me because I fall into all-or-nothing thinking. I think, "if I can't read more than five minutes in the scriptures every day, it's not worth it." I got to thinking, though, how much is five minutes a day? Let's say in five minutes I can read one page in the scriptures. If I would have spent that five minutes over the 17 years of my addiction, I would have read the standard works two and a half times (The Bible--1590 pgs + The Book of Mormon--531 + The Doctrine and Covenants--294 + Pearl of Great Price--61 = 2,476 pages; 6,205 days). 

Or, if I would have spent five minutes a day reading general conference talks (assuming I can get through two a week), I would have been able to read every single general conference talk since 1971--including from the women's meetings/Welfare sessions...with a few hundred left over (I didn't count every one, but I randomly sampled this many--41/36/32/35/38/36/38/38/37 with an average adding to about 1,540. 1,768 bi-weekly talks over 17 years). Imagine if I'd spent ten minutes a day and done both the scriptures and the general conference talks! How would my life look if I had read the scriptures two and a half times and studied every conference talk available on the church's website? I suspect if each day I could make a slight, even imperceptibly minuscule effort to improve any part of me, over the long term there would be monumental changes.

It's easier to give up trying to improve ourselves because Satan tells us we don't need it (cuz we're so awesome) or it won't help (cuz we're so messed up). But we need to trust that God--who knows us perfectly, including our  messed up parts and our amazing parts--loves us and sent his son to atone for us because we can change and are inherently of great worth.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Is Pornography Addiction a Disease?

I think we can all agree that Ebola is a disease. It has a variety of violent symptoms, it is clearly communicable, it's universally recognized as one, etc. A disease is something that spreads by sneezing in someone's face, right? Is calling pornography addiction a disease a way to minimize it? As if we're saying, "Satan coughed in my face and I contracted a pornography addiction." Or is calling it a disease a helpful way of thinking about this widely misunderstood topic, including by addicts and their loved ones? Let's look at the definition, so see if we can get a better sense of what a disease is:

a disordered or incorrectly functioning organ, part, structure, or system of the body resulting from the effect of genetic or developmental errors, infection, poisons, nutritional deficiency or imbalance, toxicity, or unfavorable environmental factors

So "infection" is only a small part of what causes a disease. "Poisons" and "toxicity"--according to this definition--both can be factors causing the "disordered or incorrectly functioning" body part. Another definition is more general: "Illness or sickness in general." In this extremely lenient definition, almost any unfavorable, abnormal body function could be considered a disease.

So there's no help in the definition of "disease" that would disqualify addiction. Those who recognize pornography as the driving component of their addiction would probably call it a poison or a toxin. They would certainly conclude their inability to stop was a sign of incorrect function. However, there are many people who don't view addiction this way. As I talked about in a previous post, there is a sizable part of the population who view sexual deviants as those who merely possess a high sex drive and a few unreasonable behavioral expectations. The only thing they would say is abnormal about "pornography addiction" are those who want to fight it.

Back to the dictionary: more interesting than its current use is the root origins. In 14th Century Old French, "disease" was "dis" (without, away) + "aise" (ease). It was used to mean "discomfort, inconvenience." Other words associated with it include  "lack,want; discomfort, distress; trouble, misfortune." I find this so fascinating not because I consider addiction to be a discomfort and an inconvenience, but because I find that discomfort, lacking, trouble, etc to be the root cause of it. It's because of my inability to cope with discomforts and wants that I self-medicate.

The problem I have with calling addiction a disease is that it sounds like we're throwing up our hands--"It's totally not my fault that I contracted it, and there's nothing I can do about it." I think this attitude comes because almost always someone who contracts a disease isn't really at fault. Still, a lot of the Ebola news going on recently (whether or not you think it's ridiculous hype) focuses on people who have put themselves at risk and how those decisions affect them and everyone they come in contact with. There's a focus on agency and choice there that I think is very applicable to this discussion.

If we say that pornography addiction is a disease, I think we need to be very clear what brought this disease on--choices to repeatedly put oneself at risk--and what causes it to continue--more choices to not seek treatment or to not follow the "doctor's orders."

One more factor. There is a growing body of research that indicates that pornography addiction is a real thing that manifests itself physically...in changes in the addict's brain. So regardless of where it came from or what it will take to overcome it, the impairment is real and will not just go away. Andrew from rowboat and marbles compares it to diabetes--asking someone "why don't you just stop looking at pornography already?" is like asking someone with diabetes "why don't you just stop having diabetes already?" That's about as helpful as this psychiatrist (Bob Newhart):


I'm going to say yes, pornography addiction is a disease. It's NOT a disease like the Ebola that a person unknowingly contracts who's next to a person with a fever on an airplane. It IS a disease like the Ebola that a person contracts who intentionally travels to an area, choosing to put themselves at risk (though the reasoning for the analogy--selflessly helping Ebola patients--is clearly different than for pornography addiction--selfishly pursuing pleasure). It's a disease that the sufferer contracted and repeatedly aggravated while putting themselves at risk, whether or not they knew the extent of the danger. It's a disease that is extremely difficult to treat, and has a physical component that won't go away just through will power and positive thinking. But pornography addiction is a disease that can be treated--through following the example of those who have already beaten it into remission, taking advantage of the tools provided through organizations like the Addiction Recovery Program/Sexaholics Anonymous, and by turning to the Master Physician.