"Seven Days Without a Meeting Makes One Weak"

I feel like I've done a fair amount of meta-commentary about myself in the past, so I want to keep it short before getting into what I want to write about. Over the last year I've learned some really important skills/principles, enough that I was able to maintain nine months of sobriety. I recently lapsed, proving that I have a ways to go and even doing baseline recovery work, stresses can overwhelm me. I want to work through the first three steps in a more in-depth way than I have in the past, so I'm going to post here about my take-aways from working in the Step Into Action book one, (an SA workbook). We'll see how it goes.

10/7/16

"Why are you here? If the answer is, "I can't go on like this and I am willing to do whatever it takes to stop," then read on." 

I love this quote. Both that it's important to recognize why I'm choosing recovery, and that I have to get to the point where I'm willing to sacrifice ANYTHING to stop. For me the "anything" is video games, nightly movies/Dr. Who, sex with my wife, milkshakes, avoiding work, avoiding people, etc.

"Wishy-washy starts in the SA program just don't cut it. "If you're not sure, go out and try some more pain."

I would extend this to any attempt at recovery, not just SA. Also, the underlying idea here is that there is only one way to get better, and I don't have to be uptight if someone doesn't choose it because if they want to be happy they'll get there eventually. Or, more appropriately, if I feel like I can dance the line between recovery and getting a lust buzz, all I'm going to get is more pain until I choose sacrifice and work. 

10/8/16

"We often feel very unsure or shy at our first meetings, in addition to being angry that we need to be there."

I might have chosen the words "self-conscious" and "shame" in place of "unsure" and "shy." Also, I feel like the anger is directed at myself and at reality. At reality because I wish it would conform to what I want to be the conditions for happiness, and at myself because I realize that I'm the one who can't accept reality and what it takes to feel at peace with life. 

"It turns out that the desire to skip a meeting is our addiction at work."

Our addiction is constantly working on us. I'm ok with the vagueness of that phrase because I'm not sure if it's Satan, our rewired brains, or a combination of both. I'm leaning towards the combination.

10/9/16

"Seven days without a meeting makes one weak."

BOOM! I love play on words. I also feel like it's true that at about one week without a meeting I start not being as comfortable dealing with my problems. The perspective, fellowship, and spirit of meetings really are essential for me.

Meetings heal us; Higher power present at meetings.

This is my biggest problem with the SA program. I feel like in their desire to be inclusive of people who don't really believe in God, they've lost a lot of the doctrinal accuracy and power. So, just to be clear, meetings don't heal anyone. Meetings allow us to feel the inspiration of the Holy Ghost, which whispers to our souls what we have to do (or not do) to qualify for the cleansing/healing power of Jesus' atonement. He is the only one who can heal us. Just sayin'.