Well, here's two weeks in a row. Good for me.
Here are my thoughts about key ideas I read about in the SA workbook Step Into Action:
10/10/16
"Doing without a sponsor is like piloting a ship without a rudder. The sailor is at the mercy of whatever current comes along."
I still remember an amazing interview I had with my mission president. I had confessed about a year into my mission and he was working with me to stop. If I'm going to be brutally honest, I don't feel like he knew what to do and so he resorted to shaming--"you know better than this" type of things. Anyway, one phrase that really stuck with me was a variation on a scripture--it was describing my situation as being "blown about by every wind of passion." That's what it feels like, and having a sponsor really does feel like being provided with a rudder to steer through a storm.
"A sponsor doesn't do the work of our recovery for us and doesn't provide magic answers to our problems...Having a sponsee allows a sponsor to give service and practice detachment."
I like both sides of this, since I also have a sponsee. I can't expect my sponsor to fix my problems, and it's good for him not to. Also, I don't need to expect myself to fix anyone's problems, and it's good for me to let that go. And since I have such a controlling personality in some ways it's important to be able to practice letting things go.
10/11/16
"Fellowhip literature can be like meetings or phone calls with a cover."
I feel like there are several important behaviors in recovery, and reading recovery literature is one of them. I don't think I'd go so far as to say it's as good as a meeting or phone call...but that's why I like the "can be" wording. I also don't think it's just fellowship literature--there are lots of good books that help me feel understood and supported.
"A meeting based on readings from the White Book has at least one sober voice present"
I'm a bit ashamed how long it took me to figure out what this was saying (that the White Book is the voice of sobriety). I like the idea of literature being a voice of those who have walked this road of recovery before...why would I not take advantage of their experience? In fact, if I disregard their voice, it will stand as a testament against me when all is said and done.
10/12/16
"We begin to work the Steps the moment we admit that we're out of control around lust...As opposed to reading the Steps, believing the Steps, or memorizing the Steps, working the Steps means taking action. Going to meetings, calling our sponsor, and participating in the fellowship are not working the steps."
I think it's important to recognize what working the steps is and what it isn't. Especially in the ARP program, I feel like some people mistake coming to meeting as getting the full benefits of the program. I've certainly been guilty of that in the past, and even now I mentally pat myself on the back when I do important things for my recovery like call my sponsor or have consistent prayer/dailies behavior. Still, that's not working the program. And, the common slogan reversed is still true: "it doesn't work if you don't work it."
"It is both good and important that some work be done for recovery each day. Continuing to write means more progress on the Step. When finished say a prayer of thanks."
Here is where I'm tempted to pat myself on the back and mention my new (and unproven by consistency over a long time) daily healthy behavior. Maybe I'll do a blog post about being stuck and getting unstuck (the latter of which I'm currently trying to do)...but I'll just keep this to a comment about how much I like the idea of saying a "thank you" prayer afterwards. I need more thankfulness in my life.
10/13/16
"Easy Does It
First Things First...
Keep an Open Mind
Keep it Simple...
One Day at a Time
Progress, Not Perfection"
Of the fourteen slogans listed, these six really stood out to me. Here are some thoughts that I had: "Easy Does It" I shouldn't worry about everything I have to change all at once. Instead, I need to have a patient, self-forgiving attitude. I should proceed with caution.
"First Things First" If I'm not putting the things that are most important to my recovery first, whatever I choose in its place will fail, and I will suffer setbacks.
"Keep an Open Mind" Recovery isn't intuitive. The impressions I get about the principles being wrong are lies based on the fact that my brain is broken and satan knows how to leverage my selfishness.
"Keep it Simple" Rather than trying to solve my life/recovery problems with complex programs and goals, sometimes the simple and straightforward option is the best answer.
"One Day at a Time" Long-term frames of reference can be valuable, but not in recovery. The day to day reference is more helpful in my sustaining my recovery. My base impulse should be, "yes, but what about today?"
"Progress, Not Perfection" Similar to the last one, I need to let go of my desires to get there and embrace the day to day victories that I can have, even if they are uneven and partial.
10/14/16
We can turn to a journal whenever there are strong feelings or dangerous behaviors and write them out.
I love that phrase, "write them out." What that feels like to me is that I feel all gunked up and irritated and write feelings and ideas to me as they come. I try to analyze where the emotions are coming from, and the concrete nature of writing helps me distance myself from the situation enough to recognize what's from addict me and what's from recovery me. Or somewhere in between. This isn't a substitute for other recovery work, but it's sure been a helpful supplement for me.
10/15/16
Concerning the need to do service: "Because in so doing I am paying my debt to the man who took time to pass it on to me. 4. Because every time I do it I take out a little more insurance for myself against a possible slip."
The book talked about service mainly as it relates to working within the SA program, but I think it relates to any kind of service. Similarly, I don't think I have a debt to pay just from people who passed recovery ideas on to me, I feel like it goes much deeper than I even realize. Also, I love the idea of serving others as a kind of insurance. I don't feel like this is claiming that a shallow service can prop up my entire recovery, but that acting unselfishly can't help but put me a little further from acting out.
10/16/16
"We put a priority on sobriety lest we lose everything again. We are cautious about always trying to meet others' expectations...We organize our lives to be useful and accountable."
These lines about the 12 traditions resonate with the earlier things I wrote about the slogans. I really liked the idea of bewaring the desire to meet others' expectations--one of the blog posts I wrote but never posted (ironically in the long break since I last wrote consistently) was about how my commitment to recovery was about as strong as what I felt like my wife expected it to be. Rather than trying to set my self-boundaries in line with what I need to be actively in recovery, I tend to take a more "what do I need to do to scrape by?" attitude. I know this isn't what they meant by meeting others' expectations, but it's been a recent breakthrough for me.
As I reread what I wrote during the week (and tried to think of a title), I realize that the first quote could be applied to the rest of what I wrote. Sponsors provide a rudder to guide me in a storm, but recovery materials, journaling, and even this blog post also help me recognize my powerlessness in the storms of my life and how to qualify for God's help.
No comments:
Post a Comment