Opportunity Costs, Addiction, and Picking Up Pennies

There's a point at which someone is making so much money that it becomes not worth it for them to bend over to pick up a 5 dollar bill. The second or two it takes to bend over, for some people, wouldn't even be worth picking up a 20 dollar bill. Most of us aren't at this point--I almost guarantee that anyone reading this would pick up a 20 or even a 1 dollar bill (assuming it's not nasty, of course). But would you pick up a quarter? A dime? A penny? What would you say if I told you I passed up a job making 20 dollars an hour so I could pick up 2-dollars-an-hour worth of pennies out of a gutter? You wouldn't believe me because nobody would do that. However, what are the opportunity costs of lust addiction? What things of value do we addicts pass up because we're busy picking up nasty pennies?

The reason for this post is because I found out a few days ago that I most likely won't have a job this summer. Let me acknowledge that this is only temporary unemployment, and there's a slight chance it may not even happen; still, ever since I found out I've been filled with dread, lack of hope, and self-loathing. I feel like I've been coasting in my occupational pursuits, partly due to lust addiction and the insecurities, poor time management, and skewed perceptions that come along with it. I have the feeling that there are so many more opportunities I'd have if I had lived my life more fully. Here are some areas of my life I feel I've passed up "capital" in my pursuit of "that which has no worth."

Family Capital

There are two ways in which my lust addiction has resulted in decreased relationships with my wife and sons. Firstly, it's taken time. There may not have been huge porn binges where I was gone for days at a time, but an hour extra at work here, an hour less of sleep there, etc. ate into the time I had available to spend with my family. The second way was in my own attitudes. When I was younger I always considered myself to be an extremely mild, patient person. When I'm acting out, though, it's like I'm a different person. I'm irritable, selfish with my time, and unwilling to make connections. It's impossible to put a number on the opportunity costs I've passed up, but when I think of the books I didn't read with my kids, the projects I didn't do with my wife, the outings we never went on, the discussions we never had, it makes me more than a little disgusted with myself.

Work Capital

Similar to family, my lust addiction affected my work in time and in quality of work. It's hard to admit this, since I have prided myself on being honest with my employers. I remember receiving public accolades and a reward in one job because I was the only one out of a dozen workers to clock out instead of wasting time while getting paid for it. Still, I haven't been the best employee I could have been because I've been cutting corners in selfish pursuits (all of which are connected to lust addiction). While I wouldn't often spend hours looking at porn, I would often act out, then try to drown my guilt in hours of browsing the internet or playing video games. Then I'd be pressed for time and need to spend more hours at work to finish things I didn't do because I'd procrastinated. It's hurt my employer, my students, and my feelings for this occupation.

Skill Capital

I've gained various skills over the years. I've spent many hours learning video editing tools and making family montages. I tried learning Spanish by reading grammar books and Harry Potter en Espanol. I've learned to bind my own books, garden, etc. However, there are so many of these that I only did half-heartedly, and countless others that I didn't even start because I "didn't have the time." How many more skills would I have gained that could provide employment opportunities right now if I hadn't spent so much time acting out and burying my guilt in pointless activities? Could I play all the hymns on the piano, like I've always wanted to? Would I be fluent in Spanish? Would I have created artwork, computer programs, learned software, and made creative combinations of all of them? I'll never know, but I suspect that the answer to many of those questions is "yes."


Ironically, instead of writing this post I could be doing something more productive for my family, work, or personal development. I know there's an endless amount of things anyone can fill their time with, but at some point I can't just use that as an excuse. I need to realize that the opportunities I pass up--those that are completely within my grasp--are far more valuable than what I choose in exchange. I need to start earning things of actual value rather than wasting my time picking up dirty pennies.