One of my biggest concerns I had when I first looked at the book is evident in the title: "end" the conflict, "victory over pornography," and a "recovered" addict. This definitive phrasing--that pornography is something that has a clear end, that can be conquered, and that can be definitively recovered from--made me very uncomfortable. However, as I read the book, I found that the authors are sufficiently cautious in the way they address addiction and talk about recovery. In fact, near the end of the book, William writes, "The reality is both of you, husband and wife, will spend the rest of your lives recovering and rebuilding trust." On the other hand, he continues by critiquing the saying once an addict, always an addict: "personally, I do not subscribe to this philosophy. I believe hearts can change" (252-253). Though initially skeptical, I'm satisfied that this book represents a realistic, though optimistic, take on recovery. Of the eleven 5-star ratings on Amazon.com (and there are only 5-star ratings), the one by N. Daniel puts it well: "What struck me about this book right away was that it didn't bring back any darkness for me -- quite the opposite -- It felt hopeful and freeing. There was genuine love and understanding in this book. It was not analytical or scientific, it focused on genuine honest communication and truly made me feel more hope for my future." I don't know that I agree about it not being analytical--I think it does analyze experiences and ideas--but I agree its optimistic content isn't focused on science.
Another thing about this book that threw me off at first was the audience. The book is written for a married audience that not only isn't Mormon, but also isn't even necessarily christian...or doesn't believe in God at all. Having read from the Alcoholics Anonymous big book, which is written for this kind of audience, I can see where they're coming from, though it bugged me at first. I also had to reassess my critique based on comments they made about people they had talked to: for example, Mae writes "On the heels of sharing my personal experience before, I have heard people say to some extent: 'that's wonderful for you, but what about for someone like me who doesn't believe in Jesus Christ? I can't just hand my anger and hurt over to him like you did.' My answer: " (244)... and I'm going to make you read the book to find out what her answer is. The fact that they address such questions makes the book appealing to a broad range of audience members (unlike my blog, which is written for a Mormon audience...sorry non-mormons, if there are any reading this). I suppose this makes it work for Mormons who are doubting their faith, which makes it valuable.
I especially appreciated the dual authorship. Around two-thirds of the book is written by William Donne, but both his section and Mae's are written to appeal to both husband and wife. Some of the things in the wife-to-wife section was very helpful for me to read--and likewise, I think some of the things written in the husband-to-husband section would be very good for my wife to read (and I'm planning on having her read it). A sampling of some of the sections include "Part 1: What Is Addiction?," "Is Pornography Adulterous?," "The Real Cause of Addiction," "When Desire is Lacking," "How Long Will It Take?," "Filling the Voids," and "Control Your Surroundings" in William's section and "You Are Not Alone," "Seven Steps of Grieving," "Moving Forward," and "Hope and Healing" from Mae's section.
In short, this book successfully balances optimism with a realistic understanding of addiction and recovery. It relies on practical, real-life examples and literary quotes (especially the bible) without delving into science to explain addiction or recovery. It draws on perspectives from husband and wife while not alienating people who aren't christian or don't believe in God. It is practical and helpful, and I recommend it to anyone who's interested.
Another book I recommend that I should have written a review of is What Can I Do About
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